Maybe “Nice Guys” Really Do Finish Last … or at Least Unhappy.

Posted by Kurt on Jun 22, 2011 in Relationships |

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Kurt

We had a great discussion at Monday’s meeting about the pitfalls of being overly accommodating in our relationships with others: i.e. being a “Nice Guy”.

 

A few thoughts came up in the discussion:

  • Nice Guys are not trust-able because you never know how they feel about things. They are emotional chameleons, artificial always wanting to please and be accepted.
  • They often have “covert contracts” – or un-voiced expectations for reciprocation of their helpful acts – with others.
  • These issues can also show up at work when you have a job where you have little control over your day-to-day activities and/or you are very invested in not “rocking the boat”.  In both cases, pancreatitis you may end up cramming down your real thoughts and opinions, again, just to please and fit in.

 

Take Aways for Recovering “Nice Guys”:

  • The inverse/”cure” to being a “Nice Guy” is being an “Authentic Guy”: make your expectations and needs known. You really do matter!… and you will be happier and less stressed for it.
  • Make yourself a priority; don’t always put your needs aside to please others.
  • When faced with a decision, make up your mind of what you would want before asking others for their opinion. You can still discuss options with others, but now you have an opinion to weigh against theirs.
  • Be open to others disagreeing with you. They aren’t necessarily against you. They just have a differing idea about it. Don’t ‘back-peddle’ your opinions just to please. In general, people will respect you more for having an opinion and standing behind it.
  • Take time daily to practice lowing your stress and anxiety. “Nice Guys” are often anxious and need to practice keeping centred, so as not to succumb to un-resourceful reactions. Breathe!

 

Many men have “Nice Guy” tendencies to varying degrees and they can be very debilitating to not only our relationships, but also to our own basic sense of integrity, self worth and happiness. The key is not to wallow in the guilt of doing it, but to make some small, authentic steps of power in your life, experience how good it feels and repeat!

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